Today is the release day for my friend’s debut album. I’m so happy for him and all the other guys in the band too! Yay Art by Numbers!! :)
Check it out: http://www.sputnikmusic.com/blog/?p=10075

So I spent the past four days in Irvine with my boyfriend. It was perfect but when I got home suddenly things weren’t so perfect. I woke up this morning to a message from Elijah saying he wants to go to New York. 

I already knew this. 
The night before I had traveled 6hours by bus and train to come home. During the trip I consumed an unhealthy amount of Red Bull, besides making my trip extremely uncomfortable (I had to pee like crazy) it also kept me up all night. He assumed I fell asleep as soon as I got home, but in actuality I watched as he updated status after status about how much he wanted to go to New York. 

What I don’t understand is how someone can constantly talk about the 6hour distance as being way too much, and that same person can say that they want to go to New York. My mind being what it is (read: incredibly irrational) automatically thinks that maybe four days with me was too much. Maybe, he hated it and now wants to go as far from me as possible. Skip forward to this morning..

I had spent the entire night going through this “he must hate me” scenario. I was seriously losing my shit. Then comes the text message…not from him. Another one, one I haven’t mentioned yet, I get a text from my ex. The long distance boyfriend before this one. 

About him: He left to Virginia in 2008 to do some training. He said he’d be gone for a year and six months and promised he’d be back and we’d keep in touch and we’d be together. He gave me an engagement ring as a promise that he’d come back and be with me, I made a condition that I wouldn’t wear it or tell anyone until he came back. I never wore it and until this moment, didn’t tell anyone. He left to do some training, and never came back. He forgot about me and until last year he didn’t try to contact me. Tried it again, ended terribly. As of now, he has no plans to come back. The single text message which reads “Hey.” reminds me of this entire situation. This almost four year long incredibly messy and cynic creating situation. 

Fast forward to today: He says that he wants to take these classes in New York. He’ll only be gone for a little bit. He’ll be back. We’ll keep in touch. We’ll be together… sounds oddly familiar doesn’t it? I hate to compare him to the other one but I can’t help it. I read the text and started sobbing uncontrollably. 

Truthfully, I didn’t expect Jose to come back which is why I never wore the ring. I hoped for it. I wanted it, but I never expected it. I didn’t love him. I liked him. He was a really great guy but he wasn’t THE guy. Elijah is THE guy. He is the one I want forever. Now I’m stuck in a position where I can let him go and possibly not get him back, or I can be the girl who told him not to go and live with the resentment that comes from that. I was thinking about this earlier while I was waiting for a meeting and that old cliched saying popped into my head. It has been stuck with me since then…

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. 

I really hope he’s mine.